When I was young, I always believed that I was not good enough to lead and give my ideas. I always believed that I was more of a follower than a leader. Growing up, I felt differently even though there would always be doubts and insecurities the entire time.
When I was young, I felt that people around me judged the way I looked, the way I talked, the way I walked. The stereotype of a leader is more of a strong masculine man rather than a soft spoken person. Growing up, I realised that just being manly is not enough for you to be a leader. Being a leader is not just simply being a man. It is more about the planning, the thinking, the good manners, being respectful and reflective.When I was young, I was scared to voice out my opinion. I was scared to give my ideas and also nervous to take charge of a situation. I tried to hide and only gave my opinion when necessary or when I felt safe and easy. Growing up, I tried so much to grow from that feeling. I would voice out my opinion when necessary, I would take actions, I would take charge and responsibility. I pushed myself to be brave and forget what ever scary things that I felt when I was young. I knew deep inside me, the insecurities are there, but the older me is braver than I ever expected.
When I was young, words really hurt me much. When people made fun of the way walked, the way I moved, the way I talked, I hid away. I ran. I shied away. But now, even though words are still knives, I care less. I have my shield. I am strong enough to ignore and separate between harsh words and reality. The reality is, I am good and people are just jealous of my uniqueness.
When I was young, I thought my idea was not good enough. My idea would only be good if I met certain requirements of a male leader. When I was young I always believed that I was weird and did not fit in. I think that because of my weirdness I didn't deserve respect and I should just stay quiet. Now that I am grown up, I know that life is bigger than that. What ever situation you were forced to believe, not everything is right about yourself. I know that my potential is bigger than what I used to believe. I know that what I have inside of me is much bigger than what I used to show.
But I am glad to have had all that experience. It enabled me to be who I am today and built me with humility and gratitude. Thank you to everything, everyone and every single moment of the ups and down of my life.
PS: feel the feelings